


S1E1: Boneless Pizza

by 16_starz



Series: The Baku Stickmin Collection [1]
Category: Baku (Web Series), Henry Stickmin Series (Video Games)
Genre: (i know she's just mentioned but i wanted 2 clarify!), Can't Have Shit in Detroit, Crack, Crack Crossover, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, Ellie uses she/they!, Gen, Henry uses he/they!, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Marijuana, Memes, Recreational Drug Use, Strong Language, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, YES henry is a stoner what're u gonna do abt it, boneless pizza, hey guys! how yall doin..., love u homie <3 /p, more specifically wren, shitpost, this is for the simphat clan server
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:22:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26419423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/16_starz/pseuds/16_starz
Summary: Henry is high at 9 AM. He's deadass hungry. Why not call the pizza place saved into their phone?
Relationships: Dave Panpa & Henry Stickmin, Ellie Rose & Henry Stickmin (mentioned)
Series: The Baku Stickmin Collection [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1920325
Comments: 6
Kudos: 31





	S1E1: Boneless Pizza

**Author's Note:**

> god, i just... _what the fuck_  
>  inspired by this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ud1JXqGWPvU (has a lot of strong language, fair warning!)  
> this one is a lot shorter than the other ones, and that kinda sucks :( was planning on making it a bigger thing.  
> also if it's your third time seeing these kinds of fics...i'm so sorry. my brain has completely eroded away to where i can only think of the Baku AU...that i have said NOTHING about lmao

The faint sounds of high-pitched voices swam in and out of Henry’s dazed mind. He had left the TV on all night; infomercials were the only thing on right now. Well, maybe some early Saturday cartoons. Which was exactly what they were watching right now. I mean, who would watch boring ass infomercials about all the good a vacuum can do, when you can watch reruns of Fanboy & Chum Chum episodes whilst accurately critiquing the episodes? Maybe middle aged men or any woman with kids going through a midlife crisis, but not Henry.

The cherry of the blunt that he had left in the ashtray was no longer the only source of light in the room; the sun had started to rise and bleed through the curtains. Henry knew Ellie would bite his head off for smoking in the apartment again, but what was he supposed to do? Just let the weed go to waste?  _ Sell it?  _ Those weren’t options for him. (The selling one, however, could get them quick cash if they ever needed it. But that’s beyond the point.) He looked over at his phone on the wooden coffee table, the screen turned onto the table. Their mind drew a blank, before he muttered, “Bruh, I’m deadass hungry right now.” Henry’s voice was a lot more croaky than usual; he never really spoke. When it comes to ordering food or interviews with other people, he usually has Ellie to speak for them, or some paper to write their words down. When it came to voice interactions through the phone, he left that up to Ellie. However, she was asleep and it  _ is  _ a Saturday, so if they even  _ thought  _ about waking the other up, he could just plan his public execution at her hands.

He picked up his phone, and pressed the home button to quickly turn it on. The brightness was insanely low; it’s how they normally have their brightness. He put in the passcode, ( _ no,  _ I’m not telling you what it is!) and the phone showed Henry all of their messy apps that were super unorganized. He always knew that his actual  _ phone  _ was at the hotbar, so it didn’t take long for Henry to:

-enter the Phone app

-go to their contacts

-and call up the pizza place

Henry only had it saved because there have been  _ countless  _ amounts of times where both of them have almost burnt down the apartment building trying to cook actual food for themselves.

The line rang a couple times, leaving Henry alone with his thoughts. Most of them were about what heist plans Ellie and them would make, or what it’d feel like to be held by another person in a platonic way, or how the Industrial Revolution and the revival of communism is modern America. He was in the middle of thinking more deeply about the modern America concept, when an unenthusiastic, nervous voice filled Henry’s ears, (and made them lose ALL of their thought process on the Industrial Revolution gimmick) “Yeah, pizza, whatchu want?”

Henry recognized this as Dave. Ellie talked to this worker a lot whenever the two of them called in for an order. Sometimes they’d get somebody new, like Sam, but it was just another Dave night. (In the middle of the day.)

“Lemme get, uhhh…” Henry drawled their words out, eyebrows knitting together.  _ Shit.  _ What was he gonna order again? “... _ BONELESS PIZZA,  _ with a  _ two liter _ of Coke.” That’s definitely not the right order.

“... _ Fuck  _ kinda pizza?” Dave asked. He must’ve misheard something, because that wasn’t right. “And,  **two liter machine** **_BROKE,_ ** we got one liter, though.” Sure, Dave had his fair share of calls from drunk men in their 30’s calling and ordering McDonald’s from the pizza place, but he never heard  _ this  _ before.

“Fuck you mean, B? Ight, look,” Henry cleared their throat, repeating his order, “lemme get that pizza  _ BONELESS. _ ”

Should...should Dave just tell this dude that he’s batshit crazy? God, was he talking to a  _ meth addict?  _ Because it sure seemed like it. “Uh? Pizza don’t got bone on it.”

A pause. Henry speaks again, “...the fuck did I just  _ say _ then?”

“You said,” Dave parroted the customer’s words, “‘Lemme get it  _ BONELESS, _ ’ like pizza got a damn bone in it.”

“ **Y’all got bones in ya shit, then?** ” They questioned.

“Nah!”

“So what’s the problem?-”

“ ** _DICKHEAD!_** ” Dave yelled through the phone. He earned a surprised glance from one of his fellow coworkers. For once, Dave was _so_ glad his boss wasn’t here. This would probably be the fourth job he got fired from. And if he does, then he might just enlist in the police force. But, he has a job to do, “Name one pizza that got bone on it.”  
There was another brief pause before Henry said something again, “ _Just don’t put them shits in my_ ** _pizza,_** _bruh_ ,” their voice seemed louder, maybe they were closer to the mic, “how many times I gotta say it?”

“Bruh,” this conversation wasn’t making any sense at all. Dave had lost hope trying to steer it back on the right track, “just explain to me how the  _ fuck  _ pizza can be boneless.”

“If it don’t got bone in it…it’s  **_BONELESS._ ** ”

“Son, what  _ school  _ you go to?”

“Dawg, I don’t understand the problem,” Henry pinched the bridge of his nose. Wasn’t he being clear? “Just make my shit  **_boneless. Deadass._ ** ”

“I’m  **_deadass_ ** not making this pizza…”

Dave got fired a week after the Boneless Pizza incident. Ellie was livid about it.

**Author's Note:**

> I CAN'T GET OVER DAVE YELLING "DICKHEAD" IT'S JUST SO FUNNY TO ME  
> consider joining my discord server: https://discord.gg/hJ9qeP6  
> or if you wanna interact with more henry stickmin fans and see me work on other anomalies like this, consider joining the simphat clan server: https://discord.gg/EVrKW7w  
> if you wanna make your own request, send me a message/ask on tumblr: https://sixteen-starz.tumblr.com/


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